Engourdir

Numb.

Not that limb asleep ache you call it,

But numb truly has befallen.

Numb.

My mouth makes the motion,

Throat hums the sound.

Yet there still is no feeling now.

I am a hollow blank,

Mannequin faced,

Oil painting on a wall

Gathering dust and shadow.

But…

I feel nothing.

Numb.

Word that says so much and means so little,

Means absence you can’t miss.

Because missing is a feeling

And numb…

There is no feeling.

Some say cold or distant,

Isolating and resistant.

They don’t get it and can’t fathom,

And by their words I know

They have never been numb.

Im not bored, unmotivated,

Don’t feel unappreciated.

Please don’t ask if I’m okay.

I wouldn’t even know what to say.

I mean how does one begin to explain,

I feel nothing.

Not fine,

Not hurt,

Not good,

Nor worse.

I’ll say I’m good or I’m okay,

Just so that you’ll go away.

My mind is on pause,

No thoughts at all.

Mouth breathing.

Unthinking.

No motion.

No feeling.

I exist,

And there’s no pain,

So I guess that means I’m okay.

I’d beg to feel,

To hurt or laugh.

But, that’d mean I’d have to long for that,

And longing is feeling too.

Maybe you are starting to understand,

Numb,

Is a void.

A black hole,

Where feelings go.

Do they return?

I don’t know.

And numb means,

I dont want to.

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